Our Last Day

Today has been a whirlwind. We had all morning to pack up before we met our group in the lobby at 2:00. From then on out it was in fast motion. I feel like a band aid has been ripped off of me abrubtly. All the families we've been with for two weeks and shared basically the births of our respective daughters, are now departing from us to go back to their homes in Los Angeles, Arizona, New York, Rhode Island, Florida, Alabama, and Texas. Our guide who has helped us, advocated for us, supported us, and been next to our sides for one of the most important moments in our lives, has had to say goodbye to us. After spending more than two weeks with us, she is going back to her life with her husband in Shenzhen, China. I will not ever forget her.

I do not know why, but I felt a deep connection with Veronica. Her Chinese name is Yue, meaning 'moon'. From the start, she felt familiar to me, like an old friend, something comfortable and also comforting. When she spoke, I listened to her. She has a certain cadence to her words, that of a Chinese speaker who is fluent in English but still a little hesitant or timid in their fluency. I was soothed by her patterns of speech, and loved to listen to her explanations of our tours and our daily schedules. She has certain words she repeats in her speech as crutches, like we all do, but they were somehow enjoyable when she spoke them. Maybe because my emotions are so raw from receiving my new daughter and maybe because we went through so many emotions together when we received our baby in her condition, all while Veronica was by our side, I feel especially connected with her. She is a person I will always remember with fondness, and I have to wonder why I am moved to tears when she speaks. She spoke of her country, our daughter's birth country, with such dignity and poise. She spoke of our daughters and every word she said caused me to hold back tears. I think some people come into our lives and we are never the same again. She, for me, is one of those people.

As we entered the train station from Guangzhou to go to Hong Kong tonight, there was Veronica in the distance, wiping away tears from her face, waving, and blowing us kisses as we disappear into our own lives back in America. Just moments earlier she had been frantically, yet ever so calmly (as is her demeanor), searching for one family's adoption paperwork file from the US Consulate that she had just 20 minutes earlier, picked up from the US Consulate as we waited on her in our shuttle bus. This paperwork is the child's Visa and must be in our hands in order for us to return to the US tomorrow on our respective flights back home. Every family was handed their very important file from Veronica except the Morgan's, who adopted a three year old boy with a cleft lip and palate. Veronica knew they had to have this paperwork in order to fly home and our train was leaving the station in mere minutes to exit mainland China. She knew she had picked up all the paperwork files for us familes at the consulate just minutes earlier and she was racing to retrace her steps as the queue formed for us to depart the train station. I also was hurried because Jeff had left to get us lunch since we thought he had time and all of a sudden the bellboy wanted me to pay for our suitcases to be checked on the train at the same time the line was moving to depart on the train. I did not even know if Jeff was nearby or if he'd make it back in time. Then suddenly, Veronica was back, as the crowd buzzed with worry over the Morgan's paperwork and the sudden formation of the queue and bellboys ordering us to pay in a language we did not understand. She mouthed the words in a quiet calm voice, but with a determined worry, for all of us to check our paperwork to see if we somehow had been given the Morgan's file on accident in addition to our own child's file. I was trying to manage LiLi, who had just woken up, and also tell the bellboy my husband had my money, and I couldn't pay for our bags to be loaded just yet. I also knew I needed to check our file to see if we had been given the Morgan's fie on accident, but it was locked in one of our suitcases and I couldn't get the lock opened. The line was moving and the train was filling up in order to leave. I was being helped by Jim and Karen's dad, who came on their adoption trip with them. He was trying to help me get my suitcase open to check our paperwork to help find the Morgan's file. Just as the scene was reaching a climactic moment of frenzy, worry, and mayhem, I saw Jeff coming up the escalator with our lunch. I was able to beckon him to hurry and got the suitcase lock combination while he paid the bellboy so our bags would be loaded on the train and not left behind in China. Veronica had already left the train station again to go back to the consulate in an attempt to find the Morgan's paperwork.They were resigned to have to wait at the train station and miss the train while Veronica found their paperwork; but as soon as I opened our suitcase and unzipped the hidden compartment where our papers were being held, the Morgan's and I immediately saw their son's file slip out from underneath the file we had been given for our daughter. Immediately we sighed a huge sigh of relief and quickly got in line to leave China on the 5:00 train. It was a whirlwind of emotion all at once, just as we were also leaving the country of our daughter's birth. We did not know where Veronica was but knew she was frantically still trying to find the Morgan's file. We had no way to call her since our cell phones don't work here. Just then, a Chinese lady came up to Jeff and handed him her cell phone and said our guide wanted to talk to us. Jeff had just learned that we were the ones who had been handed the Morgan's file with ours, so he reassured Veronica that everything was okay, and that our entire adoption group was safely in line to depart the train station. Jeff said she was hysterical and could not even speak she was so distraught over the fact that the paperwork could not be found. He told her all was okay and not to worry, that we found the Morgan's file and they could leave the country with our group like planned.

We did not expect to see Veronica again. We thought she was stuck outside the train station and felt bad that that was the way our trip had to end with her. It was so chaotic and she was trying so hard for it all to go smoothly. We knew she had to be dying inside that we had such a close call at the very end of our trip and she felt to blame for it. I had wanted to say goodbye and give her a hug. So when we turned around as we went through the turnstiles and saw her in the distance as we got pushed further and further away from her; and I saw her waving madly, blowing us kisses and wiping away tears, I completely lost all composure and began to cry like a schoolgirl being torn away from her best friend when her family has to move away. I began to sob and wave and blow her kisses as a huge wave of emotion overcame me. I can't help but think there is something very special about her, and I do not know what it is, but there is something. Maybe one day, I will find out why or what it is, or maybe I won't. Either way, she will not be forgotten.

So I sit here in our hotel room after safely arriving back in Hong Kong, where Jeff and I began this trip three weeks ago. We leave on our flight back to the states tomorrow. New parents to a daughter this time. A younger sister for our son waiting back home. A child to complete our family. I will not be going on any more adoption trips. This our last one. We will not be adding any more children to our family. This is it for us. A phase of our life that has brought us down a very winding road for more than a decade, is ending. No more thoughts of infertility or pregnancy loss. No more wounds from being childless and wanting a little someone who needs me and fills my lap with their warmth. No more waiting and hoping and dreaming. My dreams have come true. My waiting has ended.
I have my two beautiful children. A son and a daughter I treasure above all else.