Our Last Day

Today has been a whirlwind. We had all morning to pack up before we met our group in the lobby at 2:00. From then on out it was in fast motion. I feel like a band aid has been ripped off of me abrubtly. All the families we've been with for two weeks and shared basically the births of our respective daughters, are now departing from us to go back to their homes in Los Angeles, Arizona, New York, Rhode Island, Florida, Alabama, and Texas. Our guide who has helped us, advocated for us, supported us, and been next to our sides for one of the most important moments in our lives, has had to say goodbye to us. After spending more than two weeks with us, she is going back to her life with her husband in Shenzhen, China. I will not ever forget her.

I do not know why, but I felt a deep connection with Veronica. Her Chinese name is Yue, meaning 'moon'. From the start, she felt familiar to me, like an old friend, something comfortable and also comforting. When she spoke, I listened to her. She has a certain cadence to her words, that of a Chinese speaker who is fluent in English but still a little hesitant or timid in their fluency. I was soothed by her patterns of speech, and loved to listen to her explanations of our tours and our daily schedules. She has certain words she repeats in her speech as crutches, like we all do, but they were somehow enjoyable when she spoke them. Maybe because my emotions are so raw from receiving my new daughter and maybe because we went through so many emotions together when we received our baby in her condition, all while Veronica was by our side, I feel especially connected with her. She is a person I will always remember with fondness, and I have to wonder why I am moved to tears when she speaks. She spoke of her country, our daughter's birth country, with such dignity and poise. She spoke of our daughters and every word she said caused me to hold back tears. I think some people come into our lives and we are never the same again. She, for me, is one of those people.

As we entered the train station from Guangzhou to go to Hong Kong tonight, there was Veronica in the distance, wiping away tears from her face, waving, and blowing us kisses as we disappear into our own lives back in America. Just moments earlier she had been frantically, yet ever so calmly (as is her demeanor), searching for one family's adoption paperwork file from the US Consulate that she had just 20 minutes earlier, picked up from the US Consulate as we waited on her in our shuttle bus. This paperwork is the child's Visa and must be in our hands in order for us to return to the US tomorrow on our respective flights back home. Every family was handed their very important file from Veronica except the Morgan's, who adopted a three year old boy with a cleft lip and palate. Veronica knew they had to have this paperwork in order to fly home and our train was leaving the station in mere minutes to exit mainland China. She knew she had picked up all the paperwork files for us familes at the consulate just minutes earlier and she was racing to retrace her steps as the queue formed for us to depart the train station. I also was hurried because Jeff had left to get us lunch since we thought he had time and all of a sudden the bellboy wanted me to pay for our suitcases to be checked on the train at the same time the line was moving to depart on the train. I did not even know if Jeff was nearby or if he'd make it back in time. Then suddenly, Veronica was back, as the crowd buzzed with worry over the Morgan's paperwork and the sudden formation of the queue and bellboys ordering us to pay in a language we did not understand. She mouthed the words in a quiet calm voice, but with a determined worry, for all of us to check our paperwork to see if we somehow had been given the Morgan's file on accident in addition to our own child's file. I was trying to manage LiLi, who had just woken up, and also tell the bellboy my husband had my money, and I couldn't pay for our bags to be loaded just yet. I also knew I needed to check our file to see if we had been given the Morgan's fie on accident, but it was locked in one of our suitcases and I couldn't get the lock opened. The line was moving and the train was filling up in order to leave. I was being helped by Jim and Karen's dad, who came on their adoption trip with them. He was trying to help me get my suitcase open to check our paperwork to help find the Morgan's file. Just as the scene was reaching a climactic moment of frenzy, worry, and mayhem, I saw Jeff coming up the escalator with our lunch. I was able to beckon him to hurry and got the suitcase lock combination while he paid the bellboy so our bags would be loaded on the train and not left behind in China. Veronica had already left the train station again to go back to the consulate in an attempt to find the Morgan's paperwork.They were resigned to have to wait at the train station and miss the train while Veronica found their paperwork; but as soon as I opened our suitcase and unzipped the hidden compartment where our papers were being held, the Morgan's and I immediately saw their son's file slip out from underneath the file we had been given for our daughter. Immediately we sighed a huge sigh of relief and quickly got in line to leave China on the 5:00 train. It was a whirlwind of emotion all at once, just as we were also leaving the country of our daughter's birth. We did not know where Veronica was but knew she was frantically still trying to find the Morgan's file. We had no way to call her since our cell phones don't work here. Just then, a Chinese lady came up to Jeff and handed him her cell phone and said our guide wanted to talk to us. Jeff had just learned that we were the ones who had been handed the Morgan's file with ours, so he reassured Veronica that everything was okay, and that our entire adoption group was safely in line to depart the train station. Jeff said she was hysterical and could not even speak she was so distraught over the fact that the paperwork could not be found. He told her all was okay and not to worry, that we found the Morgan's file and they could leave the country with our group like planned.

We did not expect to see Veronica again. We thought she was stuck outside the train station and felt bad that that was the way our trip had to end with her. It was so chaotic and she was trying so hard for it all to go smoothly. We knew she had to be dying inside that we had such a close call at the very end of our trip and she felt to blame for it. I had wanted to say goodbye and give her a hug. So when we turned around as we went through the turnstiles and saw her in the distance as we got pushed further and further away from her; and I saw her waving madly, blowing us kisses and wiping away tears, I completely lost all composure and began to cry like a schoolgirl being torn away from her best friend when her family has to move away. I began to sob and wave and blow her kisses as a huge wave of emotion overcame me. I can't help but think there is something very special about her, and I do not know what it is, but there is something. Maybe one day, I will find out why or what it is, or maybe I won't. Either way, she will not be forgotten.

So I sit here in our hotel room after safely arriving back in Hong Kong, where Jeff and I began this trip three weeks ago. We leave on our flight back to the states tomorrow. New parents to a daughter this time. A younger sister for our son waiting back home. A child to complete our family. I will not be going on any more adoption trips. This our last one. We will not be adding any more children to our family. This is it for us. A phase of our life that has brought us down a very winding road for more than a decade, is ending. No more thoughts of infertility or pregnancy loss. No more wounds from being childless and wanting a little someone who needs me and fills my lap with their warmth. No more waiting and hoping and dreaming. My dreams have come true. My waiting has ended.
I have my two beautiful children. A son and a daughter I treasure above all else.

More Pics Guangzhou Day #4

Guangzhou Day #4

The infamous waterfall at the White Swan-after reading thousands of adoption travel blogs, it still hasn't hit me that my turn has come. My adoption trip to China has finally happened. It is unreal. The trip I've waited for and dreamed about this past decade has happened!
Our LiLi in the gold dress, ready to be back in my arms

She doesn't like it one bit.

Uh Oh, we lost her. She's down. In the three seconds she is by herself on the couch, she has protested the most. Look at the girls on the other end of the couch. How funny that they are just hamming it up. Our little LiLi just isn't ready to be separated now that she has found two people who adore her. I don't blame her one bit.

Today we went to the US Consulate to get our daughter her visa to enter the U.S. so she can become a citizen of the United States when we land in Los Angeles and go through immigration.

We weren't allowed to take any photos while we were there.

It was a rainy and verrrry humid day today. My hair immediately curls up into tiny ringlets all over and I start to grow dreadlocks by mid morning. Lovely. We went back to the hotel mid-day to let our babies have a nap, and then we head out again by 2:30 to go to Shamian Island to take red couch photos at the White Swan hotel. Afterwards, we walked through a dry and wet market selling critters to mix in your Chinese soups and meals. At the end, we made our way to a pearl market. Jeff and I headed stright to the bus to let LiLi sleep some more and we skipped the shopping at the end. It was early evening and we were sufficiently wet and drippy from the drizzle and humidity to call it a day.

The White Swan red couch photos are a tradition for adopting families. Through the years, most families have stayed there. It's on Shamian Island and very convenient to all our appointments we have to go to while we are here. Since it's undergoing renovation we are staying at the Marriott which is not on the island, so we haven't seen too much of Shamian. That's okay with me since I feel sufficiently touristed out after starting our trip early in Hong Kong. Our LiLi was officially the baby who freaked out the most when we sat her down on the red couch to take pictures. It was funny because all the babies on the right side of the couch didn't care that their parents sat them down, but on LiLi's side, she screamed first and got the two babies on either side of her to cry with her in unison. She does not appreciate when we put her down. She definitely loves being in our arms and that's okay with me since she is such a loving and snuggly baby. She probably has been in such need of attention for her entire life that now that she knows she's getting attention, she doesn't want to let it go.

I really enjoyed walking through the quaint authentic Chinese street markets this afternoon looking at the critters for sale in large bins. Some were already dead. Some were almost dead. Some were alive one minute and then cut open the next minute after being purchased. It was a scene. I loved the rickety stone-wood shuttered skinny apartments above the markets with laundry hanging out to dry next to their window box gardens. You can look into mysterious gated entrances with musty dark staircases leading to the upper floors of the apartment buildings. I can't imagine any elevators in the buidings we saw today. They reminded me of something left over from European cities after being ravaged by years of neglect and wars. Maybe it was the stone facades and rickety wood shutters in combination with some worn ornate gates and potted gardens outside the windowsills. Something about the apartments above the markets today gave it a European vibe. It was so interesting me and my tour group moved way too fast while I brought up the rear trying to soak it all in.

We saw some live animals for sale like scorpions, turtles, dogs, cats, fish, sea creatures, chickens, and snakes. At one market, we saw an elderly man purchasing a snake. The sales lady took it from the cage and wrapped it in a mesh bag while it was still alive. A minute later, another worker took it from the bag and immediately gutted it for the elderly man to take it home. He explained that he was making it into a snake wine that he would ferment for five years. He was enjoying telling us foreigners all about how his snake would be made into this special drink. It was fabulous. Once they began taking the snake guts out our group moved on, but I think we got some good video to remember the moment.

Some of the dried creatures and other assorted goodies for sale were black ants, beetles, sea horses, tree bark, snake skins, eels, centipedes, shark fins, male dog reproductive organs (our guide whispered what this was into our ears since she didn't want to announce it out loud), bees, winged insects, cockroach looking insects, sea stars, and many many more. Jeff tried the black ants and said they tasted like charcoal. There were turtles of all sizes, both living and dead, waiting to be purchased.

At the end of the markets, we came out into a large plaza surrounded by young people shopping in contemporary stores and eating at McDonald's. The entire scene looked like a mini version of Times Square complete with gigantic television screens above the plaza. What a juxtaposition to the street markets we had just walked through. Old and new, side by side.

Tomorrow we pack up our suitcases and pick up our daughter's visa in her new passport. We get on a two hour train ride with eight families headed to Hong Kong. Then we take a shuttle bus to our hotels near the Hong Kong airport on Lantau Island. We spend the night at the hotel by the airport and fly out the next day to come back to the states. We land Friday afternoon, finally at home.

Then reality sets back in.

This is my last post from Asia. It has been an amazing trip. We have gotten to see so much of China, and Hong Kong was the icing on the cake. I feel like this adoption trip was so much more of an eye opener since we had the opportunity to see four different cities with a guide explaining everything. The highlight of our trip was, of course, adoption day. We came here to adopt a daughter born somewhere near Fengcheng City in Jiangxi Province. She was left to be found, with a tiny red note telling her date of birth, on the steps of the children's amusement park outside the entrance to the Fengcheng Social Welfare Institute. I do not know her birth story, who her birth parents are, or if she has biological siblings in this country. I do not know who the foster mother was who looked after her for the first fourteen months of her life. I do know that her new life has begun with us, her forever family. I believe she knew us somehow, somewhere before and has been waiting on our arrival. When I look deep into her eyes,this is the story they tell.

We are here for you now Xiang Li. You have made our family complete.
Mama + Daddy + Sabian Cuong + Linnaea Scarlet Xiang

Guangzhou Day #3

There was a beautiful rose garden with hundreds of fragrant roses, and then this interesting choice of decoration was placed in the middle of all the fresh rose bushes. Huge fake rose arches lined the pathway between the rose bushes. I'm not quite sure why, but nontheless, there they were.

On Monday we toured a botanical garden here that was lovely. The sun was out and boy was it humid. I am not kidding. It's like Dallas in July. Even our giude who was raised in Beijing and is Chinese, says Guangzhou is green and beautiful but too humid for her. The entrance to the gardens looked like we were entering an aquatic theme park. We strolled around for a bit but it didn't take too long before our entire group was back at the entrance again sitting down waiting on our bus driver to open our air conditioned bus. While we sat and fed our babies waiting for our bus, all the locals were staring at us and reading our cards which explain in Mandarin, basically, that we are adoptive parents and appreciate their country for giving us our daughters. We are definitely stared at a lot by the local Chinese. I'm not sure what they think of us holding Chinese babies, but they are sure curious.

We spent some time getting our paperwork in order for our consulate appointment on Tuesday. That's when we do a short interview with the U.S. consulate to get her visa so that when we land on American soil she autamatically becomes a U.S. citizen. It's the last step in our adoption process, and as soon as we are handed back her passport with her visa inside, we can get on an airplane back to the states. Whew! Three weeks is a long time to be away from our son even though I'm sure he's been having a blast with his Grandma and Grandpa.

We ate lunch again at a local Chinese restaurant. Yummy green beans, zucchini, and broccoli. Again, some differences in our cultures are evident as we eat our meals. I just can't get used to the fact that napkins just aren't a big thing. We have to ask for them and then they are so very tiny that we need tons of them. It's funny how tiny they are and are specially wrapped up in a decorated plastic wrapped bag like they are a gift to be opened. Also, the service is sooooo different. We are very spoiled with service at restaurants in the states. I do miss it, I have to say. I'm missing simple things like clearing off excess plates not being used, or filling up glasses with water when they are empty or not having to wait for ten to fifteen minutes after sitting down to get water or order. I will say there is plenty of hot tea being served quickly.

It's funny how we are overeating also, because we don't know how to pace our meals. Food is brought out to us after being ordered by our guide. It is brought out dish by dish, and the entire table shares each dish by spinning it around on a huge lazy susan. We never know how many dishes are going to ultimately be served, and just when we are full, another dish is brought that looks tasty.

LiLi Photos

LiLi loves to look at her photo album with pics of our family, especially of Sabian with the dalmation puppies. She points to Sabian when we ask her who GeGe is, and she also tries to bark like a dog. Adorable.

I can't believe this girl already calls me Mama. Her foster mother must've taught her. It is too sweet how she always wants to share things with me and says "Mama".

I'll put a few pics of our little dumpling here before I crash and sleep this sore throat away.

Guangzhou Day #2

This is a typical apartment building in Guangzhou, which is very nice compared to the other cities we've been in.

On Sunday, our adoption group toured Chen's Ancestral Hall and Guangdong Folk Arts Museum. Jeff stayed with LiLi back in the hotel room because he needed a day off from touring. I am so glad I went because it was really interesting and I loved the architecture and pretty much everything there. There was some gorgeous blue circular Chinese etched stained glass that I loved, as well as all the carved and painted figurines lining the tops of the entire roofline.There were examples of carvings of all kinds including jade, wood, brick, porcelain, glass, paper, ivory, and some beautiful embroidery. I adored pretty much everything. The detail in Chinese folk arts is truly amazing, And I've enjoyed all the tours we've been on. We have been able to see so much more of China than we did of Vietnam during that adoption trip. Also, our guide has taught us many history lessons and insights into Chinese culture that have been invaluable.

LiLi has come down with a cough that is irritating her as well as some pretty nasty looking nasal discharge. Poor girl. She's been through the ringer. I can also feel myself getting a sore throat and swollen glands in my neck with pain headins up to my ears. Oh boy, I hope it doesn't get worse. For now, my day/nyquil is doing ok with my lozenges. I wish I'd brought my hydrocodone like Jeff told me to.

More Guangzhou Day #1

Here are five of the eight babies in our group. The baby in the center is celebrating her first birthday, and that's our LiLi on the end closest to the camera doing her best to sing Happy Birthday to Bella.

Here's our LiLi on the doctor's table at the beginning of the exam, telling us her thoughts on being torn from our arms to be poked and prodded.

These are some more pics of Guangzhou and Shamian Island from our first day here. It is bridal central. And from just being in only two different cities in mainland China, I can see why they like to have their photos taken on Shamian Island.

Guangzhou Day #1

Today we are at the China Hotel in Guangzhou, which is a Marriott hotel. We checked in late last night after our one hour flight from Nanchang. We somehow managed to get a huge suite that is absolutely beautiful. Did I mention it is gigantic? I don't know how we got so lucky because all the other families got standard rooms which are at least one third the size of ours. Score! Our bathroom is even enormous. What a nice bonus after what we've been through with this trip.

This morning we went to Shamian Island to our medical examination that all adopted children must go through before we go to our consulate appointment and get our baby's Visa. The medical facility was crammed full of families with their newly adopted children. We've run in to families from Spain, Switzerland, France, and all over the U.S. who are with various adoption agencies. Lots of special needs children are being adopted as well. There is a very large group of adopting parents from Spain here that were in Nanchang with us also. We'd run into them when we were either touring temples or going to our government appointments. Seriously though, it is insane how many adoping families were there today getting their medical exams. What a madhouse it was, in a good way though, because all those needy children now have loving families.

Here in Guangzhou, it is hot and humid! I am reminded of all the years spent in that yucky climate while we've lived in Dallas. No thank you. I've had enough of that. It is nice to see the sun though. We've missed it since we were in Hong Kong. Shamian Island is just as I've pictured it all these years. It is very colonial looking due to the British influence. It's also very green and pretty with tall trees, great architecture, and manicured gardens. Tons of brides are posing for wedding pictures all over the place because it so picturesque. We saw the White Swan hotel where thousands of adoptive parents have stayed during the years. It is still open but we could tell they are remodeling. I'm glad we aren't able to stay there during their remodel. There's no way we would've had such a nice suite there like the one we have at the Marriott.

At the medical exam, the doctor was training a young student and he asked us if we knew she had scabies. He was showing his student what scabies looks like. They were examining in between her toes and her fingers. I don't even know if I mentioned that she has scabies. This is in addition to her malnourishment and underdeveloped body. We had to go see a dermatologist in Nanchang who finally did diagnose her with scabies, even though we already figured that is what she had all over her little body. The second night we had her, she was itching so badly and was so miserable, we got on the internet to look up pictures and info about it. Then we quickly got out our Permethrin cream that was prescribed to us for this adoption trip in case she had scabies, and covered her head to foot in the cream. We also had to cleanse anything that may have come into contact with her including the clothes and toys brought to us from her foster mother and orphanage. Her skin is in such bad condition that it will probably take months to clear up and some scars will linger much longer. A couple scars in her diaper area are so deep and old I can't imagine them ever really going away. I can't imagine what situation she was in where her caregiver neglected her that much to let her get scars like those. It makes me so sad to even think about it.

Last Day in Nanchang-Oct 29th

Our last day touring Nanchang in Jiangxi Province (where our daughter was born)
was Thursday Oct. 28th. Our adoption group walked around Elephant Lake and the temple in the middle of it. It was a humid lazy day and we were all walking extra slowly since the sun was out and very warm. The ceramic tiled roof on these temple buildings were red. I am in love with the detailed ceramic tiled roofs. We've seen green, blue, and yellow tiled roofs on the temples and palaces in Beijing, and now red on the temple in Nanchang.

I walk with LiLi in my hotsling, but it does hurt my back and I wish I had bought a stroller at the WalMart in Nanchang. -Although something tells me she would not appreciate being relegated to the stroller. She is definitely not down with us attempting to put her in a high chair to eat, so she sits on our laps for now.

On Friday, Oct 29th, we pack and fly to Guangzhou, Guangdong Province, which is an hour plane ride south towards Hong Kong. It's even hotter and more humid there. That's where we will finish up our adoption appointments and paperwork in the next week.

Our Daughter

Since today we are not doing any touring, just staying at the hotel, tying up loose ends with paperwork, and then flying to Guangzhou tonight, I'll write about our Adoption Day and the first days with our daughter.

On Sunday, Oct. 30th, when all of us adopting parents finally got to the hotel after our delayed flight from Beijing, we only had time to run our suitcases up to our rooms after we checked into the front desk to get our room keys. As soon as we entered the Jin Feng hotel, we could hear our babies making noises in the 2nd floor conference room where they had arrived and were waiting for us! It was just after 3:00, and we were scheduled to meet them at 3:30. We were informed that they had just been taken from their foster mothers that morning, and driven with orphanage officials the 2-3 hours from Fengcheng (and one of the babies is from Fuzhou). Our daughter has been with her foster mother since she was 9 days old.

We ran up to the room, got our cameras ready, and headed stright to our daughters. Jeff and I were one of the first into the room and immediately saw our daughter being held by the assistant director, just feet away from us. Our guide, Veronica, verified that it was our daughter. She translates everything for us. All the babies are wearing special hand sewn yellow and gold puffy Chinese outfits that look very hot, but very pretty also. I can see that the other babies are pretty active and alert, sitting or standing with assistance from the nannies. Some are fussing, some are babbling, all look active and alert and busy. Except our little Xiang Li. She does not move. She is clinging to the assistant directors chest, and has melted into his arms. He is a younger man, maybe late 20's-early 30's, and actually resembles our daughter just a tad bit. I can tell he seems to be protecting her and she needs him to do this. She is withdrawn and is merely observing in a daze. I am worried immediately, and voice this to Jeff, who has already set up our video camera on the tripod to record the entire moment.

We were able to get lots of video and pictures (although mine are blurry since the lighting was so dim and I couldn't figure out how to fix it while I was crying my eyes out looking at my daughter) while we were standing there waiting until the moment came when the officials began checking our passports before handing our babies to us one by one. I believe we were the first to be handed our baby, and she came right to me and melted into my arms just like she was melted into the asst. director's arms. She was in a daze the whole time and just entirely quiet and detached from the situation. I was just holding her to my chest and saying her Chinese name and 'I love you' in Mandarin. Some babies were very vocal about being handed over, some seemed nonchalant, and some were happy. Our little LiLi was silent and stoic. After everyone was handed their baby, we headed up to the room to get to know each other.

When we got her undressed in her room we found many layers of clothes on her sweaty body. First, a bright yellow and gold hand made Chinese style snowsuit, then a cream colored winter long sleeve knit sweater, then some split pant pajamas, and then her diaper. We immediately saw her emaciated body covered in scars, old and new, as well as a very bad skin condition which was irritating her from head to her little toes. She was pock marked up and down, and her skin had red welts all over, big and small, especially all over her feet and hands and in between her fingers and toes. She had to have been miserable, and we soon came to realize she was when the itching began as soon as the clothes came off.

We called our guide so that we could make a trip to the hospital that night because the next morning we were to sign papers accepting our daughter and hand over $7,000 to the officials for the orphanage donation and other expenses. The other reason we were going to the hospital was in an attempt to have a doctor identify the problem with her legs and feet. As soon as we saw her little malnourished body when her clothes came off, we were shocked at the condition she was in. Her legs and arms had no muscle tone and were limp. When you hold her to try and get her to walk with assistance, her feet point in at a sharp angle towards each other. We did not know if there was a deformity and she would need surgical procedures. We signed up for a non special needs adoption. Of course I've done my homework and have educated myself over these 9 years that I've been waiting to adopt from China, so I always knew we had a chance of receiving a child with special needs even though that was not the program we waited in line for or actually signed up for. We immediately contacted our on-call international adoption pediatrician specialist back in the states and Skyped with him to discuss the pictures we sent him of her body and condition. Thank goodness for him, or else we'd still be in the dark as far as her condition.

Even though her adoption paperwork updates all said she was crawling very well, she hardly moves her lower body, and certainly does not crawl at all. We have gotten her to lay on her belly and push a little to inch her way forward just a few inches. She turned 14 months old the other day, yet she is the least developed of our group of babies, who range from 9-12 months old. I think all the babies in our group were with foster mothers. We just happened to get a foster mother who did not do her job, and merely kept our daughter alive until we could come to adopt her. I am thankful she at least did that, because she certainly doesn't seem to have done much else for her.

She is sweet and beautiful little dumpling who has thrived on our attention and nourishment from moment one. When she reaches up her feeble little arms slowly to ask for you to hold her, it will literally melt your heart. She will smile slowy but more and more all the time, and has even laughed now. She has taken to both of us equally and smiles for both of us. She is not quick to respond to strangers, in fact the only other person who she has responded warmly to is our Chinese guide and the 6 year old Chinese big sister of another family who adopted a baby in our group. She holds her arms out for us all the time and when she lays between us to nap, she'll reach out one arm for me and one arm for Jeff just to feel us near her and make sure we are close to her. Sometimes, she doesn't even want to be a few feet away, she wants her body pressed up against our chest for comfort. It is just too precious.

She had a picture album we sent to her from Ann at Red Thread China, in addition to some toys and clothes and cameras for her foster mother to take pictures of her while we waited all summer to travel to China. We received all the items we had purchased for her, most of them seemed to still be unused and in the original packaging, except for a musical piano and her photo album which Ann had labeled with our family photographs. I swear that when I said the words Ge Ge (older brother), she knew to point to and react wildly to Sabian's photograph. We were astounded that she reacted like this over and over when we called him in Mandarin her older brother. Maybe her foster mother did show her that album for those months while we were waiting, because she certainly acts like she knows he is her brother and she recognizes other Mandarin words as well. The album was dirty and smelled musty like it had been used and played with. After her Scabies diagnosis by the dermatologist in Nanchang, we made sure to cleanse anything that came from the orphanage/foster family because Scabies is a contagious skin condition.

When we talked to our on call pediatrician back in the states, he said she clearly is malnourished and looks like she has been sat in a chair/rudimentary walker and neglected. She has the typical big belly and underdeveloped limbs of a malnourished child. Her lack of nourishment and sedentary care has contributed to her feet pointing inwards with no muscle tone or lower body movement progression. His diagnosis was to get her nourished and evaluated back in the states and he believes that although she may be a project (his word) for quite some time, with proper nutrition, her underdeveloped limbs will corect themselves and she will catch up physically. I just don't know how long we are talking about and if physical therapy will be involved, or to what extent. We'll find all that out when we get home to see some doctors.

When our adoption group met with the Social Welfare Institute director and assistant director, they answered lots of our questions about our daughters and their foster family situations.
I had told Jeff that her foster mother had to have been elderly, and sure enough, that information was given to us that she was older than 60 years. She is a peasant and her husband is a retired construction worker. They are poor and our guide Veronica said their living conditions were probably very low quality. There was a red note left with our daughter when she was left to be found at 9 days old at the gate of the children's amusement park at the entrance to the Fengcheng Social Welfare Institute. We took video and photos of it but were not allowed to keep the note because the orphanage had to keep it (for her file?). It basically stated her date of birth and something about the Chinese zodiac calendar. We did get a name of the person who actually found our daughter laying on the ground at her finding location and brought her into the orphanage (Social Welfare Institute) when she was 9 days old.

We also found out that there are supposedly 80 babies at Fengcheng who are abandoned, and that Fengcheng SWI mainly cares for special needs and abandoned adults who cannot care for themselves and have no family members to care for them. That made me sad to hear. In Hong Kong, we saw a group of adult special needs men and women boarding a bus and it made me think of them when I found that out. When asked by another adoptive mom in our group which babies were chosen for international adoption and which babies were chosen to be adopted by Chinese locals, they did not answer the question and tried to give another answer which did not answer the quesion at all. We were told that about half the babies in Fengcheng SWI orphanage will be adopted internationally and the other half to local Chinese

We really feel like the answers we were given, were to appease us, and were not necessarily the truth on all accounts. There are lots of inconsistencies. For example, our adoption agency told me that the reason our foster mother could not take photographs of our daughter while we waited to travel all summer long was that she lived very far from the orphanage out in the countryside, and could not get to the orphanage to either take the camera or the baby to the orphanage. On the other hand, the orphanage officials told us directly that all the foster mothers lived very close to the orphanage and that the assistant director visited all the foster mothers every month to check up on the babies. So either both the adoption agency is making up stories or the orphanage officials are telling lies or most likely, there is a little covering up/exaggerations on both ends.

After the question & answer meeting with our entire adoption group had ended, the orphahage officials came over to Jeff and I and we had our own discussion where our guide Veronica translated for us. They offered an apology to us for the sad physical condition that our daughter was presented to us in. They claimed that they did not notice her scars or skin rash/condition/scabies (they called it excema-ha!) last month when they visited the foster mother. They also claimed that our daughter just doesn't absorb nutrients properly and that's the reason for her lack of development. Wow! That's a first. Maybe if she was actually given nutrients, she would have absorbed them. They also believe that massaging her legs/feet would heal her problems and that she had been massaged previously in an attempt to help her legs develop. They said when she was four months old they did not notice any problems with her feet turning inwards, so it must have developed later. I'm thinking, good heavens, how long has this poor child been neglected?!? For an entire year? They also were clear that they have already verbally chastized this foster mother for her poor care and that she let our daughter get to this condition. The disturbing thing is that we found out from the asst. director that she also is in the care of a two month old abandoned baby girl who may be adopted later by another couple just like us who is expecting her foster mother to care for her. This foster mother needs to be fired, not given another baby to care for. Take her off the list, man. For real.

We seem to be the only family in our group of 8 adopting families who are in this situation. All the other babies seem to have had foster mothers who took proper care of their daughters and even got very attached to some of them. One of the babies was given a jade necklace on a red string which the foster mother asked specifically not to be taken off the baby as it considered very good luck to have. Our guide showed us her jade necklace which is always around her neck and given to her from her maternal grandmother.

I know our daughter was chosen for us for a reason. I am confident she will grow and progress with our care and love. I have no regrets and loved her instantly with a fierce protection instinct as only a mother can have. She acts like she has known us since the day she was born. She has a sweet little flat nose and rosebud mouth with a perfectly square chin and a slight dimple in it. Her eyelashes are long and her eyes are bright and cute Her eight teeth are tiny and there are four on top and four on the bottom. She shows her slight smile when she is around us and I can tell she is happy to have both us always near her to meet her needs. She is absolutely adorable and during all these years when I dreamed of what my chosen daughter would look like, she is exactly what I have always imagined and hoped for.

***We are in Guangzhou now at the Marriott (awesome!!!) We flew here to Guangzhou Friday evening, Nov. 4th and as soon as we entered the hotel, thought we had died and gone to heaven! Real air conditioning! It is such a nice room. I'll post pics in the next post about our first day here in Guangzhou.

Nanchang-Day #5

Today we stopped at a porcelain store before we went to a park and a temple. Jiangxi Province is known for its porcelain so our group asked to stop at a store so we could look around. The park was called Elephant Lake and it had a nice temple in the center of the enormous lake after crossing two arched bridges. It was a warm, sunny, humid day and very peaceful and quiet at the entire park. -very different from the scene in Beijing at the Summer Palace and Temple of Heaven.

After our adoption group strolled lazily around the park, temple and lake, we went to lunch at another local Chinese restaurant. When we go to these local restaurants, we sit around large round tables with a huge glass lazy susan in the center. Our guide orders for us and the staff brings bottled Coke products and local dishes out, one by one, for us to taste. We roll the lazy susan around and taste the assorted dishes while attempting to feed our babies their steamed eggs at the same time. There is really no A/C, even though they push buttons on the wall to lower the temperature, and somehow the air gets cool yet hot and humid at the same time. It's strange. The hotel room is the same way. We have to ask for a large fan to be brought to the room to cool it off so it's not humid. The other families did the same thing to cool off their rooms. Chinese people like a warm environment, and we are told often to keep the rooms warm so our babies won't get sick.

We eat breakfast at the hotel buffet every morning and we've found yummy items like the steamed buns with creamy yellow (mango?) filling. It's funny though, we never see much milk. Even though it's put out in a pitcher. there's never more than a couple inches put into the pitcher, and it has been like this for our whole trip. We just can't seem to find enough milk. Tea is endless, but milk...not so much. I thought our daughter would love congee, but so far she gobbles up eggs and breads but doesn't really care for the congee.

We are all so tired, and ready to move on to Guangzhou tomorrow night. I will say, our LiLi is quite the good napper. For two days in a row, she has napped with us so we can get some much needed rest! She also sleeps late in the mornings. What a nice surprise!

Nanchang Day #4

Today we toured Tang Wen (I have to check the spelling) Pavilion in Nanchang. According to our guide, one of the top three pavilions in all of China. It was just lovely! I adore the colors, rooftops, paintings, tiles, gardens, and music we saw here today- as well as the views of the Nanchang city skyline against the Gan river from the top floors of the pavilion.

We had a terrific lunch at a local restaurant trying new Chinese foods- I've loved every meal we've had at local restaurants, even though I miss big napkins and big glasses of ice water. It's funny to us that we are served Coke and Sprite at every meal because that is what is thought that us Westerners want to drink, and probably many do, but not us. Many of us in our adoption group say we've drank more Coke here in China than when we are home. They are very hospitable in the restauraunts though, for sure.

Our daughter is progressing well, but I will save that post for another time since it's already late and I need to sleep. Let's just say, she's eating up all the food we are giving her and realizing that we are giving her the nourishment and love she has wanted and needed for the past 14 months.

I know every adoption story is different, but this one takes the cake, and vastly differs from her older brother's experience in a Vietnam orphanage. We noticed immediately that she had a connection with her older brother's photographs that were sent to her this summer through Ann at Red Thread China. She knew who he was and recognized him when we asked her who

ge ge (older brother) was. It was an amazing sign to us that we needed that first day, when we saw the physical state she was in. -just an affirmation that, yes, she was chosen for us for a reason and is already a part of our family.

Nanchang-Day 2 & 3

I have to write just a few things before petite fille wakes up and I must rush to shower and eat breakfast before we meet up with our adoption group.

*hard beds in the hotels
*bright orange sun in the sky against a foggy/hazy sky with either skyscrapers, apartment building highrises, or rolling mountains peeking through the haze. When we climbed the Great Wall there was a bright orange sun beginning to set behind the mountain.
*no ice in drinks- not many napkins or very big ones- not many drinks, or tiny little sized glasses which are the size of breakfast juice glasses back home- I'm parched all the time because there just isn't an emphasis on drinks with the meals and we can't have ice because we can't drink the water- they do not use ice in drinks anyway, due to belief it isn't good for the stomach. I have found some yummy juices with mango in them. Also, where's the milk? We've never ever seen gallons of milk for sale anywhere here on our trip so far.
*the ragged state of the hospitals and doctor offices (at least the ones we've visited)- doctors sitting around smoking while hoards of people fight there way to be heard and seen. Even when it's your turn to talk to the doctor at emergency room, they barely glance at our child and are doing something else at the same time while they casually say they don't really know what it is and to go see another specialist-all the while, other patients push their way to the front where you are still conversing with the doctor or else they are hanging around the exam table staring at us and listening in while still trying to push their way in.
*cigarette smoking and spitting is everywhere
*Driving is a survival of the fittest mentality with you either getting pushed off the road or cutting everyone off so you can get to where you need to go. In Beijing, the traffic is relentless, and they are even limited as to how many days they can drive their cars on the roads based on a license plate identification system. Imagine 17 million residents all trying to drive at the same time.
*I mentioned the pushing by local Chinese, but I have to mention it again. It is insane! Seriously? Is it really necessary all the time? After so many days here, it gets really old. *Of course, while we were in Beijing we also had an *incident*, as we'll now call it, which jaded us quite a bit! Word of advice, stay away from the #81 bus next to Olympic park.

*the smells tonight as we walked down the street market next to the Jin Feng hotel where we are staying- YUM! Onions, garlic, meats, oils being tossed together in fresh delicious Chinese dinners served by outdoor food vendors, as friends met to eat and listen to live musicians performing at the outdoor restaurant under the rows of red lanterns lining the plaza

*seeing child after child squatting down in their knit winterwear split pants to pee on the sidewalk as taught by their parents. Some kids we've seen are close to school age and it got us thinking...at what age do the adults tell the kids that they are not to pee on the sidewalk in public anymore, and that it's time they use the potty in private?

*speaking of children, we love the way, even though it's quite warm and humid outside, the children all wear winterwear that is hand knit. Knit pants split down the middle for easy peeing in the street or whenever nature calls- knit sweaters and other assorted heavy snowsuit quality outerwear is seen on every child

*curiosity in us as we stroll through Nanchang, as many locals do not understand why all of us non-Asians are holding Chinese babies

All in all, we love the real life Chinese experiences we are having!