Today has been a whirlwind. We had all morning to pack up before we met our group in the lobby at 2:00. From then on out it was in fast motion. I feel like a band aid has been ripped off of me abrubtly. All the families we've been with for two weeks and shared basically the births of our respective daughters, are now departing from us to go back to their homes in Los Angeles, Arizona, New York, Rhode Island, Florida, Alabama, and Texas. Our guide who has helped us, advocated for us, supported us, and been next to our sides for one of the most important moments in our lives, has had to say goodbye to us. After spending more than two weeks with us, she is going back to her life with her husband in Shenzhen, China. I will not ever forget her.
I do not know why, but I felt a deep connection with Veronica. Her Chinese name is Yue, meaning 'moon'. From the start, she felt familiar to me, like an old friend, something comfortable and also comforting. When she spoke, I listened to her. She has a certain cadence to her words, that of a Chinese speaker who is fluent in English but still a little hesitant or timid in their fluency. I was soothed by her patterns of speech, and loved to listen to her explanations of our tours and our daily schedules. She has certain words she repeats in her speech as crutches, like we all do, but they were somehow enjoyable when she spoke them. Maybe because my emotions are so raw from receiving my new daughter and maybe because we went through so many emotions together when we received our baby in her condition, all while Veronica was by our side, I feel especially connected with her. She is a person I will always remember with fondness, and I have to wonder why I am moved to tears when she speaks. She spoke of her country, our daughter's birth country, with such dignity and poise. She spoke of our daughters and every word she said caused me to hold back tears. I think some people come into our lives and we are never the same again. She, for me, is one of those people.
As we entered the train station from Guangzhou to go to Hong Kong tonight, there was Veronica in the distance, wiping away tears from her face, waving, and blowing us kisses as we disappear into our own lives back in America. Just moments earlier she had been frantically, yet ever so calmly (as is her demeanor), searching for one family's adoption paperwork file from the US Consulate that she had just 20 minutes earlier, picked up from the US Consulate as we waited on her in our shuttle bus. This paperwork is the child's Visa and must be in our hands in order for us to return to the US tomorrow on our respective flights back home. Every family was handed their very important file from Veronica except the Morgan's, who adopted a three year old boy with a cleft lip and palate. Veronica knew they had to have this paperwork in order to fly home and our train was leaving the station in mere minutes to exit mainland China. She knew she had picked up all the paperwork files for us familes at the consulate just minutes earlier and she was racing to retrace her steps as the queue formed for us to depart the train station. I also was hurried because Jeff had left to get us lunch since we thought he had time and all of a sudden the bellboy wanted me to pay for our suitcases to be checked on the train at the same time the line was moving to depart on the train. I did not even know if Jeff was nearby or if he'd make it back in time. Then suddenly, Veronica was back, as the crowd buzzed with worry over the Morgan's paperwork and the sudden formation of the queue and bellboys ordering us to pay in a language we did not understand. She mouthed the words in a quiet calm voice, but with a determined worry, for all of us to check our paperwork to see if we somehow had been given the Morgan's file on accident in addition to our own child's file. I was trying to manage LiLi, who had just woken up, and also tell the bellboy my husband had my money, and I couldn't pay for our bags to be loaded just yet. I also knew I needed to check our file to see if we had been given the Morgan's fie on accident, but it was locked in one of our suitcases and I couldn't get the lock opened. The line was moving and the train was filling up in order to leave. I was being helped by Jim and Karen's dad, who came on their adoption trip with them. He was trying to help me get my suitcase open to check our paperwork to help find the Morgan's file. Just as the scene was reaching a climactic moment of frenzy, worry, and mayhem, I saw Jeff coming up the escalator with our lunch. I was able to beckon him to hurry and got the suitcase lock combination while he paid the bellboy so our bags would be loaded on the train and not left behind in China. Veronica had already left the train station again to go back to the consulate in an attempt to find the Morgan's paperwork.They were resigned to have to wait at the train station and miss the train while Veronica found their paperwork; but as soon as I opened our suitcase and unzipped the hidden compartment where our papers were being held, the Morgan's and I immediately saw their son's file slip out from underneath the file we had been given for our daughter. Immediately we sighed a huge sigh of relief and quickly got in line to leave China on the 5:00 train. It was a whirlwind of emotion all at once, just as we were also leaving the country of our daughter's birth. We did not know where Veronica was but knew she was frantically still trying to find the Morgan's file. We had no way to call her since our cell phones don't work here. Just then, a Chinese lady came up to Jeff and handed him her cell phone and said our guide wanted to talk to us. Jeff had just learned that we were the ones who had been handed the Morgan's file with ours, so he reassured Veronica that everything was okay, and that our entire adoption group was safely in line to depart the train station. Jeff said she was hysterical and could not even speak she was so distraught over the fact that the paperwork could not be found. He told her all was okay and not to worry, that we found the Morgan's file and they could leave the country with our group like planned.
We did not expect to see Veronica again. We thought she was stuck outside the train station and felt bad that that was the way our trip had to end with her. It was so chaotic and she was trying so hard for it all to go smoothly. We knew she had to be dying inside that we had such a close call at the very end of our trip and she felt to blame for it. I had wanted to say goodbye and give her a hug. So when we turned around as we went through the turnstiles and saw her in the distance as we got pushed further and further away from her; and I saw her waving madly, blowing us kisses and wiping away tears, I completely lost all composure and began to cry like a schoolgirl being torn away from her best friend when her family has to move away. I began to sob and wave and blow her kisses as a huge wave of emotion overcame me. I can't help but think there is something very special about her, and I do not know what it is, but there is something. Maybe one day, I will find out why or what it is, or maybe I won't. Either way, she will not be forgotten.
So I sit here in our hotel room after safely arriving back in Hong Kong, where Jeff and I began this trip three weeks ago. We leave on our flight back to the states tomorrow. New parents to a daughter this time. A younger sister for our son waiting back home. A child to complete our family. I will not be going on any more adoption trips. This our last one. We will not be adding any more children to our family. This is it for us. A phase of our life that has brought us down a very winding road for more than a decade, is ending. No more thoughts of infertility or pregnancy loss. No more wounds from being childless and wanting a little someone who needs me and fills my lap with their warmth. No more waiting and hoping and dreaming. My dreams have come true. My waiting has ended.
I have my two beautiful children. A son and a daughter I treasure above all else.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Guangzhou Day #4
The infamous waterfall at the White Swan-after reading thousands of adoption travel blogs, it still hasn't hit me that my turn has come. My adoption trip to China has finally happened. It is unreal. The trip I've waited for and dreamed about this past decade has happened!
Our LiLi in the gold dress, ready to be back in my arms
She doesn't like it one bit.
Uh Oh, we lost her. She's down. In the three seconds she is by herself on the couch, she has protested the most. Look at the girls on the other end of the couch. How funny that they are just hamming it up. Our little LiLi just isn't ready to be separated now that she has found two people who adore her. I don't blame her one bit.
Our LiLi in the gold dress, ready to be back in my arms
She doesn't like it one bit.
Uh Oh, we lost her. She's down. In the three seconds she is by herself on the couch, she has protested the most. Look at the girls on the other end of the couch. How funny that they are just hamming it up. Our little LiLi just isn't ready to be separated now that she has found two people who adore her. I don't blame her one bit.
Today we went to the US Consulate to get our daughter her visa to enter the U.S. so she can become a citizen of the United States when we land in Los Angeles and go through immigration.
We weren't allowed to take any photos while we were there.
It was a rainy and verrrry humid day today. My hair immediately curls up into tiny ringlets all over and I start to grow dreadlocks by mid morning. Lovely. We went back to the hotel mid-day to let our babies have a nap, and then we head out again by 2:30 to go to Shamian Island to take red couch photos at the White Swan hotel. Afterwards, we walked through a dry and wet market selling critters to mix in your Chinese soups and meals. At the end, we made our way to a pearl market. Jeff and I headed stright to the bus to let LiLi sleep some more and we skipped the shopping at the end. It was early evening and we were sufficiently wet and drippy from the drizzle and humidity to call it a day.
The White Swan red couch photos are a tradition for adopting families. Through the years, most families have stayed there. It's on Shamian Island and very convenient to all our appointments we have to go to while we are here. Since it's undergoing renovation we are staying at the Marriott which is not on the island, so we haven't seen too much of Shamian. That's okay with me since I feel sufficiently touristed out after starting our trip early in Hong Kong. Our LiLi was officially the baby who freaked out the most when we sat her down on the red couch to take pictures. It was funny because all the babies on the right side of the couch didn't care that their parents sat them down, but on LiLi's side, she screamed first and got the two babies on either side of her to cry with her in unison. She does not appreciate when we put her down. She definitely loves being in our arms and that's okay with me since she is such a loving and snuggly baby. She probably has been in such need of attention for her entire life that now that she knows she's getting attention, she doesn't want to let it go.
I really enjoyed walking through the quaint authentic Chinese street markets this afternoon looking at the critters for sale in large bins. Some were already dead. Some were almost dead. Some were alive one minute and then cut open the next minute after being purchased. It was a scene. I loved the rickety stone-wood shuttered skinny apartments above the markets with laundry hanging out to dry next to their window box gardens. You can look into mysterious gated entrances with musty dark staircases leading to the upper floors of the apartment buildings. I can't imagine any elevators in the buidings we saw today. They reminded me of something left over from European cities after being ravaged by years of neglect and wars. Maybe it was the stone facades and rickety wood shutters in combination with some worn ornate gates and potted gardens outside the windowsills. Something about the apartments above the markets today gave it a European vibe. It was so interesting me and my tour group moved way too fast while I brought up the rear trying to soak it all in.
We saw some live animals for sale like scorpions, turtles, dogs, cats, fish, sea creatures, chickens, and snakes. At one market, we saw an elderly man purchasing a snake. The sales lady took it from the cage and wrapped it in a mesh bag while it was still alive. A minute later, another worker took it from the bag and immediately gutted it for the elderly man to take it home. He explained that he was making it into a snake wine that he would ferment for five years. He was enjoying telling us foreigners all about how his snake would be made into this special drink. It was fabulous. Once they began taking the snake guts out our group moved on, but I think we got some good video to remember the moment.
Some of the dried creatures and other assorted goodies for sale were black ants, beetles, sea horses, tree bark, snake skins, eels, centipedes, shark fins, male dog reproductive organs (our guide whispered what this was into our ears since she didn't want to announce it out loud), bees, winged insects, cockroach looking insects, sea stars, and many many more. Jeff tried the black ants and said they tasted like charcoal. There were turtles of all sizes, both living and dead, waiting to be purchased.
At the end of the markets, we came out into a large plaza surrounded by young people shopping in contemporary stores and eating at McDonald's. The entire scene looked like a mini version of Times Square complete with gigantic television screens above the plaza. What a juxtaposition to the street markets we had just walked through. Old and new, side by side.
Tomorrow we pack up our suitcases and pick up our daughter's visa in her new passport. We get on a two hour train ride with eight families headed to Hong Kong. Then we take a shuttle bus to our hotels near the Hong Kong airport on Lantau Island. We spend the night at the hotel by the airport and fly out the next day to come back to the states. We land Friday afternoon, finally at home.
Then reality sets back in.
This is my last post from Asia. It has been an amazing trip. We have gotten to see so much of China, and Hong Kong was the icing on the cake. I feel like this adoption trip was so much more of an eye opener since we had the opportunity to see four different cities with a guide explaining everything. The highlight of our trip was, of course, adoption day. We came here to adopt a daughter born somewhere near Fengcheng City in Jiangxi Province. She was left to be found, with a tiny red note telling her date of birth, on the steps of the children's amusement park outside the entrance to the Fengcheng Social Welfare Institute. I do not know her birth story, who her birth parents are, or if she has biological siblings in this country. I do not know who the foster mother was who looked after her for the first fourteen months of her life. I do know that her new life has begun with us, her forever family. I believe she knew us somehow, somewhere before and has been waiting on our arrival. When I look deep into her eyes,this is the story they tell.
We are here for you now Xiang Li. You have made our family complete.
Mama + Daddy + Sabian Cuong + Linnaea Scarlet Xiang
We weren't allowed to take any photos while we were there.
It was a rainy and verrrry humid day today. My hair immediately curls up into tiny ringlets all over and I start to grow dreadlocks by mid morning. Lovely. We went back to the hotel mid-day to let our babies have a nap, and then we head out again by 2:30 to go to Shamian Island to take red couch photos at the White Swan hotel. Afterwards, we walked through a dry and wet market selling critters to mix in your Chinese soups and meals. At the end, we made our way to a pearl market. Jeff and I headed stright to the bus to let LiLi sleep some more and we skipped the shopping at the end. It was early evening and we were sufficiently wet and drippy from the drizzle and humidity to call it a day.
The White Swan red couch photos are a tradition for adopting families. Through the years, most families have stayed there. It's on Shamian Island and very convenient to all our appointments we have to go to while we are here. Since it's undergoing renovation we are staying at the Marriott which is not on the island, so we haven't seen too much of Shamian. That's okay with me since I feel sufficiently touristed out after starting our trip early in Hong Kong. Our LiLi was officially the baby who freaked out the most when we sat her down on the red couch to take pictures. It was funny because all the babies on the right side of the couch didn't care that their parents sat them down, but on LiLi's side, she screamed first and got the two babies on either side of her to cry with her in unison. She does not appreciate when we put her down. She definitely loves being in our arms and that's okay with me since she is such a loving and snuggly baby. She probably has been in such need of attention for her entire life that now that she knows she's getting attention, she doesn't want to let it go.
I really enjoyed walking through the quaint authentic Chinese street markets this afternoon looking at the critters for sale in large bins. Some were already dead. Some were almost dead. Some were alive one minute and then cut open the next minute after being purchased. It was a scene. I loved the rickety stone-wood shuttered skinny apartments above the markets with laundry hanging out to dry next to their window box gardens. You can look into mysterious gated entrances with musty dark staircases leading to the upper floors of the apartment buildings. I can't imagine any elevators in the buidings we saw today. They reminded me of something left over from European cities after being ravaged by years of neglect and wars. Maybe it was the stone facades and rickety wood shutters in combination with some worn ornate gates and potted gardens outside the windowsills. Something about the apartments above the markets today gave it a European vibe. It was so interesting me and my tour group moved way too fast while I brought up the rear trying to soak it all in.
We saw some live animals for sale like scorpions, turtles, dogs, cats, fish, sea creatures, chickens, and snakes. At one market, we saw an elderly man purchasing a snake. The sales lady took it from the cage and wrapped it in a mesh bag while it was still alive. A minute later, another worker took it from the bag and immediately gutted it for the elderly man to take it home. He explained that he was making it into a snake wine that he would ferment for five years. He was enjoying telling us foreigners all about how his snake would be made into this special drink. It was fabulous. Once they began taking the snake guts out our group moved on, but I think we got some good video to remember the moment.
Some of the dried creatures and other assorted goodies for sale were black ants, beetles, sea horses, tree bark, snake skins, eels, centipedes, shark fins, male dog reproductive organs (our guide whispered what this was into our ears since she didn't want to announce it out loud), bees, winged insects, cockroach looking insects, sea stars, and many many more. Jeff tried the black ants and said they tasted like charcoal. There were turtles of all sizes, both living and dead, waiting to be purchased.
At the end of the markets, we came out into a large plaza surrounded by young people shopping in contemporary stores and eating at McDonald's. The entire scene looked like a mini version of Times Square complete with gigantic television screens above the plaza. What a juxtaposition to the street markets we had just walked through. Old and new, side by side.
Tomorrow we pack up our suitcases and pick up our daughter's visa in her new passport. We get on a two hour train ride with eight families headed to Hong Kong. Then we take a shuttle bus to our hotels near the Hong Kong airport on Lantau Island. We spend the night at the hotel by the airport and fly out the next day to come back to the states. We land Friday afternoon, finally at home.
Then reality sets back in.
This is my last post from Asia. It has been an amazing trip. We have gotten to see so much of China, and Hong Kong was the icing on the cake. I feel like this adoption trip was so much more of an eye opener since we had the opportunity to see four different cities with a guide explaining everything. The highlight of our trip was, of course, adoption day. We came here to adopt a daughter born somewhere near Fengcheng City in Jiangxi Province. She was left to be found, with a tiny red note telling her date of birth, on the steps of the children's amusement park outside the entrance to the Fengcheng Social Welfare Institute. I do not know her birth story, who her birth parents are, or if she has biological siblings in this country. I do not know who the foster mother was who looked after her for the first fourteen months of her life. I do know that her new life has begun with us, her forever family. I believe she knew us somehow, somewhere before and has been waiting on our arrival. When I look deep into her eyes,this is the story they tell.
We are here for you now Xiang Li. You have made our family complete.
Mama + Daddy + Sabian Cuong + Linnaea Scarlet Xiang
Guangzhou Day #3
There was a beautiful rose garden with hundreds of fragrant roses, and then this interesting choice of decoration was placed in the middle of all the fresh rose bushes. Huge fake rose arches lined the pathway between the rose bushes. I'm not quite sure why, but nontheless, there they were.
On Monday we toured a botanical garden here that was lovely. The sun was out and boy was it humid. I am not kidding. It's like Dallas in July. Even our giude who was raised in Beijing and is Chinese, says Guangzhou is green and beautiful but too humid for her. The entrance to the gardens looked like we were entering an aquatic theme park. We strolled around for a bit but it didn't take too long before our entire group was back at the entrance again sitting down waiting on our bus driver to open our air conditioned bus. While we sat and fed our babies waiting for our bus, all the locals were staring at us and reading our cards which explain in Mandarin, basically, that we are adoptive parents and appreciate their country for giving us our daughters. We are definitely stared at a lot by the local Chinese. I'm not sure what they think of us holding Chinese babies, but they are sure curious.
We spent some time getting our paperwork in order for our consulate appointment on Tuesday. That's when we do a short interview with the U.S. consulate to get her visa so that when we land on American soil she autamatically becomes a U.S. citizen. It's the last step in our adoption process, and as soon as we are handed back her passport with her visa inside, we can get on an airplane back to the states. Whew! Three weeks is a long time to be away from our son even though I'm sure he's been having a blast with his Grandma and Grandpa.
We ate lunch again at a local Chinese restaurant. Yummy green beans, zucchini, and broccoli. Again, some differences in our cultures are evident as we eat our meals. I just can't get used to the fact that napkins just aren't a big thing. We have to ask for them and then they are so very tiny that we need tons of them. It's funny how tiny they are and are specially wrapped up in a decorated plastic wrapped bag like they are a gift to be opened. Also, the service is sooooo different. We are very spoiled with service at restaurants in the states. I do miss it, I have to say. I'm missing simple things like clearing off excess plates not being used, or filling up glasses with water when they are empty or not having to wait for ten to fifteen minutes after sitting down to get water or order. I will say there is plenty of hot tea being served quickly.
It's funny how we are overeating also, because we don't know how to pace our meals. Food is brought out to us after being ordered by our guide. It is brought out dish by dish, and the entire table shares each dish by spinning it around on a huge lazy susan. We never know how many dishes are going to ultimately be served, and just when we are full, another dish is brought that looks tasty.
We spent some time getting our paperwork in order for our consulate appointment on Tuesday. That's when we do a short interview with the U.S. consulate to get her visa so that when we land on American soil she autamatically becomes a U.S. citizen. It's the last step in our adoption process, and as soon as we are handed back her passport with her visa inside, we can get on an airplane back to the states. Whew! Three weeks is a long time to be away from our son even though I'm sure he's been having a blast with his Grandma and Grandpa.
We ate lunch again at a local Chinese restaurant. Yummy green beans, zucchini, and broccoli. Again, some differences in our cultures are evident as we eat our meals. I just can't get used to the fact that napkins just aren't a big thing. We have to ask for them and then they are so very tiny that we need tons of them. It's funny how tiny they are and are specially wrapped up in a decorated plastic wrapped bag like they are a gift to be opened. Also, the service is sooooo different. We are very spoiled with service at restaurants in the states. I do miss it, I have to say. I'm missing simple things like clearing off excess plates not being used, or filling up glasses with water when they are empty or not having to wait for ten to fifteen minutes after sitting down to get water or order. I will say there is plenty of hot tea being served quickly.
It's funny how we are overeating also, because we don't know how to pace our meals. Food is brought out to us after being ordered by our guide. It is brought out dish by dish, and the entire table shares each dish by spinning it around on a huge lazy susan. We never know how many dishes are going to ultimately be served, and just when we are full, another dish is brought that looks tasty.
Monday, November 7, 2011
LiLi Photos
LiLi loves to look at her photo album with pics of our family, especially of Sabian with the dalmation puppies. She points to Sabian when we ask her who GeGe is, and she also tries to bark like a dog. Adorable.
I can't believe this girl already calls me Mama. Her foster mother must've taught her. It is too sweet how she always wants to share things with me and says "Mama".I'll put a few pics of our little dumpling here before I crash and sleep this sore throat away.
Guangzhou Day #2
This is a typical apartment building in Guangzhou, which is very nice compared to the other cities we've been in.
On Sunday, our adoption group toured Chen's Ancestral Hall and Guangdong Folk Arts Museum. Jeff stayed with LiLi back in the hotel room because he needed a day off from touring. I am so glad I went because it was really interesting and I loved the architecture and pretty much everything there. There was some gorgeous blue circular Chinese etched stained glass that I loved, as well as all the carved and painted figurines lining the tops of the entire roofline.There were examples of carvings of all kinds including jade, wood, brick, porcelain, glass, paper, ivory, and some beautiful embroidery. I adored pretty much everything. The detail in Chinese folk arts is truly amazing, And I've enjoyed all the tours we've been on. We have been able to see so much more of China than we did of Vietnam during that adoption trip. Also, our guide has taught us many history lessons and insights into Chinese culture that have been invaluable.
LiLi has come down with a cough that is irritating her as well as some pretty nasty looking nasal discharge. Poor girl. She's been through the ringer. I can also feel myself getting a sore throat and swollen glands in my neck with pain headins up to my ears. Oh boy, I hope it doesn't get worse. For now, my day/nyquil is doing ok with my lozenges. I wish I'd brought my hydrocodone like Jeff told me to.
More Guangzhou Day #1
Here are five of the eight babies in our group. The baby in the center is celebrating her first birthday, and that's our LiLi on the end closest to the camera doing her best to sing Happy Birthday to Bella.
Here's our LiLi on the doctor's table at the beginning of the exam, telling us her thoughts on being torn from our arms to be poked and prodded.
Here's our LiLi on the doctor's table at the beginning of the exam, telling us her thoughts on being torn from our arms to be poked and prodded.
These are some more pics of Guangzhou and Shamian Island from our first day here. It is bridal central. And from just being in only two different cities in mainland China, I can see why they like to have their photos taken on Shamian Island.
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